In our genetic makeup is the need to love and the need to be loved. When we aren’t aware of those needs, we make a mess of our relationships by trying to fill those needs with the wrong people. This creates unhealthy attachments as we end up devaluing ourselves by settling for less than we deserve.
The need to love and the need to be loved becomes the driving force which dictates our emotions and the choices we make in relationships.
The word love and the statement I love you is tossed around way too casually. Shortly after meeting someone we’re ready to drop the ‘L’ word, move them into our home, and head to the altar. When emotions are running high, and hormones are out of control, everything is great! A few months later our mind starts to clear and reality sets in. He’s not the man you thought he was, or needed him to be. You assigned him a role in your life that he was not equipped to fill. Now you’re left hurt, confused, and broken-hearted, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
If you recognize this pattern in your relationships, somewhere in your belief system is the thought that you are unworthy of love. This false belief most often takes root through the rejection experienced as a child. You learned at an early age that love came with pain, expectations and restrictions. You suppressed an integral part of yourself, by building an emotional wall of protection from those hurts. Fear replaced love, and your view of love became distorted, along with the ability to completely love yourself.
What you thought was love was actually an attempt to fill an unmet need. Fulfilling the need to love and the need to be loved cannot be done through someone else. You must first fill that need within yourself.
Loving yourself is the key…
You must begin a healing process; clear away the portrait of fear, doubt, condemnation, self-hate, guilt, shame, and rejection that has previously been painted on the canvas of your soul. The wounds of the soul run deep; left unhealed they become infected and begin to contaminate your entire life. That infection shows up in your interaction and relationships with others. Whether it’s a potential mate, significant other, family or friends we are unable to have truly healthy relationships because of our inability to love.
Become emotionally aware by recognizing the good and the perceived bad things that are a part of you. Your strengths and weaknesses. The mistakes and bad choices. Everything that makes you who you are, whether good or bad must be recognized. Only then can you embrace them and begin to fill the need to love and the need to be loved within you. As those needs are filled, your self-respect grows, and your self-worth increases. When you are able to do this, you can then accept, embrace, and respect someone else in the same way.